Ashley's Story
Ashley had heard of people “hitting rock bottom,” but she never thought it would feel like this.
Her insides ached; her head throbbed; and her time living on the streets was anything but kind to her.
Ashley had practically drunk herself to death. And after seven days alone in the ICU with nothing but her intrusive thoughts to keep her company, she wasn’t sure how she could escape the dark pit she found herself in.
“That’s where I started to wake up a little bit.”
But how does one fall into a place like this?
Ashley witnessed the consequences of addiction from a young age. Her biological father used drugs regularly and was physically and emotionally abusive. For quite some time, there was no respite or rescuer. While her mom, who received the brunt of the abuse, desired relief, Ashley’s father was also their means of survival.
It wasn’t until Ashley was in fifth grade that she, her mom, and her siblings relocated to Idaho to live with her grandparents. When her mom married the man who became Ashley’s stepfather, they all experienced the relief of stability of after so many years of chaos.
But Ashley’s scars ran deep. She had her first beer at eleven years old when her biological father decided it was about time she “had a beer with dad.” He introduced her to cocaine at age fourteen. Substance abuse was also no stranger to her extended family, with both sets of Ashley’s grandparents struggling in addiction.
This generational cycle followed Ashley around every corner. She had seen and experienced so much hurt. So, as she entered high school, she found that pain difficult to process or even think about. Instead, she ran to pot and alcohol to numb the aching in her soul that wouldn’t go away otherwise.
At 18, Ashley entered a relationship. All was fine at first. But then he became controlling. This quickly pivoted to physical and emotional abuse. Ashley didn’t find out until later in the relationship that her boyfriend was also heavily under the influence of drugs. And suddenly, when she looked in the mirror, all she saw was the shadow of the pain that came before her.
After a couple of years trapped in the relationship, Ashley was ready to leave him for good. However, her plans were halted when she discovered that she was pregnant with a baby girl. And despite everything that she had been through, she wanted her daughter to know her father. So, when her daughter was born, the two of them moved back in with Ashley’s grandparents, and Ashley maintained the relationship in secret.
Life took a turn for the worse when Ashley’s boyfriend attempted suicide. In an instant, her world turned upside down. Her mental health plummeted fast. Feeling crushed under the weight of these circumstances, Ashley turned to meth to cope with the heart ache and mental disarray. She quickly lost her ability to care for her daughter, and when her family withdrew their support from her new lifestyle, she ended up on the streets.
“I started doing all kinds of crazy things that I [never thought] I would do…. I lived this life of chaos, running from the law, dealing drugs enough to support my habit, putting myself in risky situations that could jeopardize everything. I think about it now that I am sober, and it blows my mind… Thank God, I made it through it.”
Ashley spent years on the streets living this way. Her life was in shambles. Her hope was lost. She didn’t recognize the person in the mirror.
And then she hit that rock bottom. After lying in the hospital alone for seven days in fear for her life, she knew something needed to change.
That’s when Ashley took her first step in the right direction– she quit drinking. She finally had the strength to let go of what had controlled her for her entire life. It was a major milestone.
However, her meth addiction held her tightly, and she continued using until the birth of her son, Zynne. She originally planned to give her baby up for adoption. But after she dreamed of the life they could have together, she decided to keep him to make that dream a reality.
Zynne was her second chance at really living. She would do anything for her little boy. But first, they both needed some extra help.
A couple of weeks after Zynne was born, he came to Maddie’s Place. He was lethargic, he struggled to eat and was overwhelmed by the senses.
But the longer Zynne spent at Maddie’s, the more and more his health improved. By the time he was ready for discharge, he was a completely different baby. He was alert and active, his feeding improved, and he was able to tolerate various sensory inputs.
Throughout his stay at Maddie’s Place, Ashley got into Rising Strong, a family-centered drug treatment and housing program. So, when Zynne was ready for the world, he got to live with his mom in their own little apartment within the Rising Strong facility.
Today, Ashley has been sober for over a year. She graduated from the Rising Strong program and is about to move into her own place. She is even pursuing a degree in social work at Spokane Falls Community College. Zynne is thriving and loves his mama so much. The two of them have such an amazing bond, which has helped him to grow into the happy and healthy boy that he is.
“I am so thankful for Maddie’s Place. This place was the greatest blessing for my family. And the continuous support– anytime that I’ve needed anything really, for Zynne, or for somebody to talk to– it’s like a family, they are just always there for us.”
At Maddie’s Place, we see countless parents like Ashley, struggling in the generational cycle of addiction and abuse. That’s why we want to intervene immediately in the lives of their newborns. Because if we can start our care for an infant once they are born, we can catch them in the most critical stage of their development and not only help them face the challenges of Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome, but also teach them that they are safe and loved.
We want to break the generational cycle of addiction through our work at Maddie’s Place. We want something better for the lives of these parents and their infants. And that change is possible.
Will you join us in this fight?
This blog was posted on September 6, 2024.
Questions? Suggestions? Email me at emma.jones@maddiesplace.org.