Read this moving testimony from a Maddie’s Place Alumna!
Well, first things first, I’m from Pablo, MT. It’s a small town of many on the Flathead Reservation of the Confederated Salish and Kootenai Tribe. I was born and raised there. I was with my mom till about age 5, then I was removed from her custody due to her own struggles and battles. My father at the time was also dealing with his own issues. I want to say he was nervous, and just wasn’t ready to raise a daughter on his own. He took care of me though and made sure my needs were met, and I was happy wherever I was.
I was in and out of the foster care system from ages 5-18. I began smoking weed at age 12-13. When I reached age 15, I got my first taste of the opiate family. It began from my ex-partner and my roommate, who had broken their ankle at the time. We were all a little group of partying buddies.
When she broke her ankle, she had gotten a prescription of some Loratabs and offered us a line of some. I agreed to it, and I mean I liked the feeling it gave me. It was an instantaneous rush of warmth and energy. It seemed like whatever feeling it was, it grasped me, and I fell in love with it. Of course from that I eventually extended my interest into harder opiates.
This led me to methadone pills. After only two months of being on those, I had one day ran out of them and wasn’t able to “score” or “find any” which had then led me to experiencing my first withdrawal. I had no idea what was going on or why I was feeling the way I was until I googled it. It sucked because during that time I was considered “runaway” status, so I couldn’t go to the hospital or anything without having to deal with jail and turning myself in, so I ended up riding it out. I legitimately didn’t sleep for a good 8 days straight, experiencing insomnia, hot/cold sweats, sneezing, and muscle tightness. Everything hurt, but I was restless. It was the worst experience and feeling ever, hands down. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
It obviously couldn’t have been too bad, being I continued my path battling addiction for the next 16 years of my life. I went through the same withdrawals, spending much time sick at home, sick in jail, sick at friends/family’s houses. It became a regular thing to me it seemed.
I had found different ways to cope with it. I’d use benzos, meth, and alcohol to ease the symptoms. As the years dragged on, I grew more and more exhausted from the battle just to feel “normal” everyday.
I’d say I hid it quite well from my family. I had my first son, named Chevelle, in the year 2021 in September. Chev was born fentanyl positive. He was taken from the hospital by CPS, who had heard about the father and I’s D.V.s and drug use. We were also living in and out of hotels and our car at the time.
Having him taken so quickly, and during my drug use and unhealthy relationship with the dad, I then only did what I knew would help numb the pain– I continued getting high.
I came to Spokane in April 2022. It wasn’t planned to be anything but a quick trip. However, I ended up reuniting with my baby’s father and got into the pills even more, because they’re way cheaper here in Spokane. I then found out mid-late August that I was then pregnant with my second son, Kyson. During my pregnancy, I continued to use, because I was scared and didn’t want to believe I was pregnant. But I also knew that I had to quit, that it was time to get it together. I couldn’t continue to just keep doing what I was doing, having babies and losing them to the system.
So, I decided to reach out to my mom, who always strangely pulls through when I need her most. She knew I was hurting and didn’t want to lose another baby, so she got online and had a few people call me. She found one that was promising, and explained my situation. They reached out to me and I was eligible for their program, “Maddie’s Place,” a new program for moms in addiction. I was nervous/excited, but all that mattered though was that I got to be with my son.
I kept visiting while Kyson was already there, kept saying I was getting clean. I finally realized I needed to enter a detox center. I didn’t have the self control or discipline I thought I did to sober up on my own. So, March 9th, 5:45 PM was the date and time of my last use. I entered detox, completed it, reunited with my son at Maddie’s Place for a few weeks, and now we are doing great on our journey.
We are currently at Isabella House, a 6 month inpatient treatment program, where moms can have their babies with them. I am beyond happy, grateful and thankful for everyone involved in my road to recovery; It has been beautiful and the best I’ve felt in I don’t know how long. It’s seriously like a breath of fresh air. I’m laughing more, joking around more. The old “me” is coming back, and I lost “me” 16 years ago when I started using. I sobered up not only for myself, but also for my two handsome boys, my Mr. Chevelle and my baby bear Kyson. I love you both to the moon and back. I wish I would have done this sooner, but all that matters is now. So just for today, I am happy to have my son by my side, another day sober, and I can’t wait to get back home to my other baby boy.
My name is Kyra Colleen Carpentier and I am an Opiate addict in recovery.
This blog was posted on March 28, 2025.